CLOSE THE DOOR AND BE a new way to view your world and your everyday interactions. Welcome to your truth. In this blog I will explore a topic offered to me by my readers and friends. No one will like everything I say. Still, I hope to leave an impression and a new way to view the issue at hand in the end. So, sit back, explore, and appreciate your splendor as you are. And be sure to answer the short survey before you go.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Love/ Relationships & Agnosticism

This post by my FBF Andrae Williams made me think long and hard about the people in the world I live in. The question was "[What do atheists] think about love? Since their definition of Christ has changed or they never believed in god has their definition of love or relationship changed?" When I saw this I didn't post because I feared I would just go too far, but after calming down I had to speak on it. I have a few points I want to make clear.

1. The concept of Christ began approximately 2000 years ago. Have you ever heard of a time called B.C. This means Before Christ. The initial question in retrospect is actually questioning whether there was love, compassion, guilt, and all other human emotions Before Christ. For anyone who hadn't figured it out, there was. People were not miraculously made human when Christ came. Look it up. That wasn't one of his miracles. With that being said, the love I give is not given out of religious obligation. I don't believe in a mansion in the sky because I helped people. I love because it is in me to love. My compassion for others is apart of who I am. When I feel guilt it is because I am grounded in the person I am and there is an inate quality in me that seeks fairness and justice. I do this not for reward after I die, or because I expect anything in return.

2. The idea of relationships. Look this up: Augustus Ceasar. If not for this man realizing that the population in Rome would grow vast swiftly rendering itself unmanageable by government, there wouldn't have ever been a concept of marriage. Yes sweetie, marriage is an institution. Does this mean that I will not partake in marriage? No. The idea is simply met with scrutiny and the realization that it is not obligation but choice that guides me. With this being acknowledged as a choice, I take full responsibility in the promises I make and the magnitude of my crimes in breaking my vows. I do this because I am fair and just, not because God told me to. I am more faithful, honest, and forthcoming now that I do not believe in the conventional or Christian God.

3. I was born to a Mother and a father. I believe that any impact a God/ Creator would have had on who I am was simply in my creation. IE; God would have created the science that made it possible for me to be born and it was his idea to give me ten fingers and ten toes. Do I believe he is sitting in the sky listening for me to ask for help? Of course not. A creator as evolved as he would have to be would not understand my minute problems (His view) or even speak my language. He would be off creating in this vast landscape of a universe. The greatest gift one could offer a God would be to show him that his creation was created well enough to sustain without him. For a human-like robot that needs one to menuever it's arms and legs is less artificial intelligence and more a mere puppet. And that's just not that spectacular. As an adult I do not need another father to guide me. My father probably feels he could have done more, but to me he did enough.

For me all life is a choice. I don't believe in sin. Simply right and wrong is enough. I voice my complaints once and then move on because I still hold the choice to kill myself or change my situation. Complaints and prayers do nothing. I am as honest as possible not because I want a God to love me, but because I love me and no one else can unless they know the real me. For the past few months I haven't been writing my blog or notes because I have been working hard to get my book ready for it's first professional edit. I need people to know where I'm coming from. Self-Propelled Evolution. Adapt it.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Day You Died

The day you died I mourned you by yelling to the top of my lungs at you about how full of shit you were to begin.
The day you died I called you an idiot and cursed the day I met you or ever considered you a friend.
The day you died I felt freer of you than I had ever felt or ever imagined. 
The day you died I wasn't ok that it happened how it happened.
The day you died I went and got my son's haircuts and stopped at Micky D's.
The day you died I cried a thousand tears selfishly for my own reprieve. T
he day you died I slept alone and you slept in front of the window you'd broken.
The day you died all my anger and resentment was like Pandora's Box had been opened.
The day you died I called you bitch and every other word I could think of. 
The day you died you knew to stay away from me because even I didn't know what I was on the brink of.
The day you died was one I could never have imagined as realistic.
The day you died was simply the day I accepted that you have never existed.

*A New Day & This Don't Make Sense*

I have had people in my life for years; people who didn't get me, couldn't do for me but couldn't last without me. We've grown apart. No longer do you know you need me. No longer does your call do anything but aggrivate me anyways. You're single tracking in your thoughts and activities. Your "friendship" if that, no longer means shit to me.

Smile, why are you so angry and bitter. Life has never been as hard as you make it. You can try and pass that resentment all you want but I won't take it. You standing still blocking lanes and causing accidents all around you. You don't see this mayhem? Life's too short for useless interactions. My words no longer reach you, so whatever happens just happens. I wanted a fuck for the rd but your mouthpiece proved useless and your phallus overused. All the while you bitched about what bitch gave her pussy to who.

Your rants are almost womanly. Your strength is in how loud you yell, never in what yo're saying. And you yell that you're rolling for keeps in a dice game you swear that you ain't playen. It's confusion, it's rediculousness, it's you. It's who you've allowed yourself to become. It pains me that years ago I saw so much potential in you and now I see how you wasted it. Denial is strong, strong.

You can't beat knowledge into people's skulls sweetie. Especially when you don't practice what you're preaching. Your rants are hipocritical. So what you're a king when you don't understand the magnitued of your purpose or how to execute it. I'm impatient with your many imperfections, restless with your assaults of everyone else's indiscretions. Done tryna make you see past your own bullshit. It's a new day. And this don't make sense. Good Luck with all you do.

"Why do you keep bringing me down man? Why you keep bringing me down. DON'T BRING ME DOWN."