"Big Bad Wolf"

The other day I overheard a woman say, “I hate people who wear white shoes under dark bottoms. It looks so trashy.” I thought to myself, “Yeah lady, I’m sure those people hate people who start off sentences with “I hate people who…”” Then I realized it’s me who strongly dislikes people like her. Fact is that I don’t like to see people with light shoes and dark bottoms either, but I don’t hate people for it. I don’t think its right for me to punish people with my hate because of their fashion sense. It’s not going to make the public school system a better bureaucracy if they wear dark bottoms with dark shoes.  This applies to any and everything.

For instance, I can be pissed at Octo-mom forever that she had all those kids under her mom’s roof and can’t take care of them. But fact is that I left my husband out the blue and moved in on my mom selfishly too. Then, as if only to make matters worse, I got knocked up with twins when I didn’t have a job, any money, and I was still living with her. Am I better than octo-mom because my kids all have the same father and last name? No! I’m just as blessed as she is to have a mom that stuck it out and helped when she had every reason not to. Granted, it was a lot easier for me to get it together with only three as opposed to the 14 octo-mom has. But that’s her cross to bear. I think all my children should be here.

Then there’s peoples morbid hate for women like Anna Nichole Smith. Come on. It was pretty obvious what Anna was doing. I don’t have a problem with a woman who has established her worth and then went on to Sugardaddy.com to find her soul mate. Who are you to tell her she’s priceless when she’s told you she’s a dime? And I can’t feel sorry for any man who went on to Sugardaddy.com looking for “love”. He’s already established his value. Who are you to tell him he deserves someone who loves him for him when he’s told you he’s an atm. Think about it people; are women really mad at Anna for taking some old guys money. They don’t even know him. They’re mad because Anna was enjoying all the shit they couldn’t because they settled for someone they used to enjoy sleeping with. HAH!! Now that the passions gone they wish they had the money to compensate. Men are just as bad. They’re too busy thinking, “Man, if I had money like that…” to realize that Anna didn’t dig for gold. I mean it’s not like she dressed up and pretended to be a “Michele Obama” then went after the president.

Fact is that if I want to hate anyone, I should start with myself. I mean, it takes nothing to hate others. But it takes a whole lot of honesty and tears to hate yourself. For instance, I use people. No; really I do. At a young age I identified a stable relationship as one where the parties use each other for whatever reasons. As long as no one “feels” more used than the other then the relationship will continue to be stable. Think about it. Isn’t that what most of the arguments boil down to? Does “We’re not making love anymore” not compute to {you’re not using me for sex anymore and therefore bringing imbalance to usage scales and probably giving value to someone else}. The disharmony in the relationship doesn’t come from the cheating itself; it comes from not sleeping with the partner. It’s the imbalance in the usage scales that bring up the idea of an affair in the first place.

 I explain this to people soon after I meet them. But some insiders still look at me as the “Big Bad Wolf” and feel sorry for the person who went on to SugarDaddy.com. The only things in this life that I feel bad for is 1) eloping, because my dad should have given me away and my mom should have had the pleasure of snarling at my future ex-husband from the front row. 2)  Moving back in with my mom after leaving my husband. And 3) risking the friendship that I had with my best friend by selfishly believing she was being honest when she asked for the life I chose. I knew better when she didn’t and I did it anyways. Regardless of what anyone says, the love was there. It just wasn’t enough like she wanted to prove to me it was. That time I was “The Big Bad Wolf”. I just hope she knows I’m sorry.

Can anyone say "REJECTED" Ouch!

A buddy of mine had been dating a person for over two months. She claimed that this person was everything she had ever dreamed of in a mate. He has a level head, a career, realistic ambitions, big heart and was more than mildly attractive. So, me being the caring friend I am, I asked how everything was going with this person. She said, “He bit the dust!”

“What!” I exclaimed. “You said he was good money!”

“Any money is good money nowadays.” She whined. “You don’t know what it’s like to get rejected. You always get what you want. Who’d fuck over Mother Earth?” (Apparently no one told her about the hole in the ozone layer.)

Now, a couple of months ago two things would have happened. 1) I would have agreed that I don’t get rejected and 2) I would have spouted off a few cliché’s all boiling down to “Anyone who can’t see your splendor doesn’t deserve you”. But life has an annoying way of forcing one to reevaluate their truths…..

I had been talking to a person who I’ll name Cautious for the sake of name-calling and not putting me on blast. Here I was thinking we were getting to know each other and even falling for each other. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was telling her about my ex who I then lived with and was trying to help get her life back together because I love so hard. I was exclaiming about all my big-hearted/ open-minded ambitions, my free spirit and my three beautiful boys that I wanted to leave an empire. Ironically, what Cautious was hearing is that I didn’t know how to let go of the past and I obviously had a debilitating co-dependent relationship with my ex. AND,  if I didn’t get that straight I’d never reach my full potential so all my other plans are downhill from there. Bad part is that she didn’t think to inform me of this. I broke off even the friendship after realizing I was in that zone and didn’t want to be there. But, not even a week after we stopped talking I saw she was “in love” from her posting on FaceBook.com. Can anyone say “REJECTED”. Ouch!

Fact is, what I was too co-dependent to realize is that shit is shit. People who get rejected are usually doing one of three things: 1) shitting all over their house, 2) not cleaning the shit that is already hardening , or 3) allowing someone else to shit all over their house. I was number 3. My entire life I prided myself on being a lady and knowing when to leave, but I wouldn’t leave my ex to save my life. I foolishly believed her to be my best friend. I was such an idiot. But what can I say, I did it to myself.

Now I’m dating or re-dating someone who was good for all the wrong reasons back then, but is now just good for me. She put up the caution sign too. “We’ll take it slow and see what happens.” she says. Cautious is hopefully enjoying life and love. And I don’t even know where my ex is anymore. I’m so free, and it looks good on me.

So, the next time you find yourself getting rejected, put down the bucket of cookie dough/ cookie dough  ice-cream and ask yourself, “What am I doing or allowing others to do to my house that makes company not want to come over and stay a while?” You might find that you were the problem all along. The best part about that is “If you’re the problem, then you can also be the solution.” Who knows, maybe I’ll grow enough to invite Cautious and her love on a double date…probably not. But maybe I’ll request her friendship again on FaceBook.com.  You know, after the sting wares off. Thanks Cautious.